God is faithful and His timing is perfect.
This is something I was reminded of this week as I pulled an oufit out from Cassidy's drawer. It was January of 2008 when Matthew opened a gift that had this "Daddy says I'm beautiful" outfit in it. It was how he found out for the first time he was going to be a father. After 5 years of marriage, we were so excited to be starting our family. We were beyond thrilled as we saw that little heart beating for the first time. Little did we know that growing baby inside of me would be taken from us before we ever got to meet it. Before we even knew if our child was a boy or a girl. Needless to say, we were heartbroken. I have never felt so alone in all my life. My husband, who is the man who always holds me up when I am broken, was torn himself and was in need of being held the same as me. It took everything we had to try to support each other through this, but it was just so hard. Looking back, I am extremely thankful for my mom and dad. Having gone through this same pain themselves years before, they were able to be there for us in our time of need. To hold us both up until we were able to stand on our own again. I remember asking God why. Crying for hours. Praying. And then leaning on Him knowing His will is perfect and His timing is not my own. It was through many tears and prayers that I began to become strong again. That I found His peace. I had to let go of my plans and trust that His plan, whatever it may be, was where I would find joy. I learned to trust Him daily, baby or no baby. And that was a hard thing to do sometimes. It was something I had to remind myself of every morning through prayer.
These life lessons are what flooded my memory as I pulled this tiny outfit out of Cassidy's drawer. And I smiled. Because had Matt and I not gone through that terrible storm, we would not have the gifts of Wyatt and Cassidy now. We had no way of knowing in January of 2008 that come December we would be crying tears of joy as we met our son for the first time. And that in December, five years later, we would be crying tears of joy again as we welcomed our daughter into the world. And that this week, in March of 2014, that outfit I bought in 2008 would finally be worn by our beautiful Cassidy Joyce. But God did know. He knew because He is sovereign. He is Perfect. He is The Beginning. And He is The End.
And I know that everyday won't always be as easy as it is today. That I will face trials again that shake me to my core and drop me to my knees. But I have learned to find His hand in the midst of the storms. He is my rock in which I can always find shelter.
He is faithful and His timing is perfect.
You are right, Amber. Sometimes during the storm we cannot even see our own hand in front of us much less the blessings God has in store for our future. Losing a baby through miscarriage leaves many questions that are not answered on this side of heaven. It is when we can stop and look at our "Wyatt and Cassidy" that we can thank Him for that storm. Thank you for sharing your story. You are good with your words, just like you are with your photos!
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